An embarrassing noise during an intimate moment

I’ve got this pair of shoes I love, right? Brown loafer-like, but with a heel. They make me look a little slutty, but what the hay? You only live once.

Unfortunately, they make this gushy sound when I walk, like all the air just comes rushing out with every step. Still, I L-O-V-E them and they look great on me.

The other day, this really cute guy who works in my office (from another department) was walking up the stairs behind me. And I said to myself, “Self, when you get to the top of the steps, you’re going to turn around and smile at him. Why, you’re just as good as those so-called ‘pretty’ girls with their low-slung pants and open-toed shoes. You have every right to flirt with him.”

So I got to the top of the steps and, without slowing my gait, turned back to give him my sexiest grin. But I forgot about the shoe noise, which on this occasion was really REALLY loud just at the moment I parted my lips and cocked my head. He stopped dead in his tracks. And I knew exactly what he was thinking.

“No, no!” I said, panic-stricken. “That wasn’t me. It was my shoes that farted. See,” and I started walking some more, so he could hear the ppllbbbt, ppllbbbt, ppllbbbt I made with each step. He picked up his step and headed toward his side of the building. I’m not sure he believed me.

Now it’s your turn: What have you done to silence the farting shoe? Do they make some kind of insert for that?